Blessed Where We Are

Today's devotion was titled "Live Where You Live".  The post hit home with me.  I've moved five times in the last six years, and have had a hard time treating the various residences like home.  I never quite settled knowing that I would be moving again. I've been in my condominium for three years, but know that my ministry will uproot me in the near future. I am coming to terms with the fact that I may move often as a pastor.  With that, I'm realizing that home is not a location that I must make perfect in order to call it mine. It's wonderful to have a house decorated to be indicative of ourselves, but it's no less a home if it isn't exactly as we think it should be.  It's great to have a clean house, but imperfections don't take away from the time that's spent there.  It's good to know that we'll be in a place for awhile, so we can make friends and create community, but those things don't require a set amount of time. When we spend so much time looking forward to getting things just right or to moving to the next place instead of enjoying what we have, we're missing out.  I realize now that I can create home and community wherever I am, no matter how long I stay or how close it is to my ideal.

Life is too short to continually consider ourselves in limbo.  It isn't possible to predict what will happen in the future.  Every moment counts.  Wanting to be in a different position or different place isn't a bad thing unless it overtakes what's good in our lives in the present. Instead of wishing our lives away, let's focus on our blessings today.

 Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. - Colossians 3:15

A Non-Mom Speaks About Mother's Day - Well Said

This a re-post that I never want to forget...

An Open Letter to Pastors {A Non-mom Speaks about Mother’s Day}

Dear Pastor,

Tone can be tricky in writing. Picture me popping my head in your office door, smiling and asking if we could talk for five minutes. I’m sipping on my diet coke as I sit down.

You know that I’m not one to shy away from speaking my mind, part of the reason you love me (mostly!), so I’m guessing that internally you brace yourself wondering what might be next.

I set my can down and this is what I’d say.

A few years ago I sat across from a woman who told me she doesn’t go to church on Mother’s Day because it is too hurtful.  I’m not a mother, but I had never seen the day as hurtful. She had been married, had numerous miscarriages, divorced and was beyond child bearing years. It was like salt in mostly healed wounds to go to church on that day. This made me sad, but I understood.

Fast forward several years to Mother’s Day.  A pastor asked all mothers to stand. On my immediate right, my mother stood and on my immediate left, a dear friend stood. I, a woman in her late 30s, sat. I don’t know how others saw me, but I felt dehumanized, gutted as a woman. Real women stood, empty shells sat. I do not normally feel this way. I do not like feeling this way. I want no woman to ever feel this way in church again.

Last year a friend from the States happened to visit on Mother’s Day and again the pastor (a different one) asked all mothers to stand. As a mother, she stood and I whispered to her, “I can’t take it, I’m standing.” She knows I’m not a mother yet she understood my standing / lie.

Here’s the thing, I believe we can honor mothers without alienating others. I want women to feel welcome, appreciated, seen, and needed here in our little neck of the body of Christ.

1. Do away with the standing. You mean well, but it’s just awkward. Does the woman who had a miscarriage stand? Does the mom whose children ran away stand? Does the single woman who is pregnant stand? A.w.k.w.a.r.d.

2.  Acknowledge the wide continuum of mothering.

To those who gave birth this year to their first child—we celebrate with you

To those who lost a child this year – we mourn with you

To those who are in the trenches with little ones every day and wear the badge of food stains – we appreciate you

To those who experienced loss through miscarriage, failed adoptions, or running away—we mourn with you

To those who walk the hard path of infertility, fraught with pokes, prods, tears, and disappointment – we walk with you. Forgive us when we say foolish things. We don’t mean to make this harder than it is.

To those who are foster moms, mentor moms, and spiritual moms – we need you

To those who have warm and close relationships with your children – we celebrate with you

To those who have disappointment, heart ache, and distance with your children – we sit with you

To those who lost their mothers this year – we grieve with you

To those who experienced abuse at the hands of your own mother – we acknowledge your experience

To those who lived through driving tests, medical tests, and the overall testing of motherhood – we are better for having you in our midst

To those who have aborted children – we remember them and you on this day

To those who are single and long to be married and mothering your own children – we mourn that life has not turned out the way you longed for it to be

To those who step-parent – we walk with you on these complex paths

To those who envisioned lavishing love on grandchildren -yet that dream is not to be, we grieve with you

To those who will have emptier nests in the upcoming year – we grieve and rejoice with you

To those who placed children up for adoption — we commend you for your selflessness and remember how you hold that child in your heart

And to those who are pregnant with new life, both expected and surprising –we anticipate with you

This Mother’s Day, we walk with you. Mothering is not for the faint of heart and we have real warriors in our midst. We remember you.

I’ve created a PDF of The Wide Spectrum of Mothering 

3. Commend mothering for the ways it reflects the Imago Dei (Image of God) by bringing forth new life, nurturing those on her path, and living with the tension of providing both freedom and a safety net.

I know I might be an unusual one to be speaking about Mother’s Day; but maybe that’s why so many talk to me about mothering, I’ve got the parts, just not the goods.  Thanks for listening and for continuing to mother us in a shepherding way. Even though I’m a bit nervous to come on Sunday, I will be here. But if you make us stand, I might just walk out =).

Warmly and in your corner,

Amy

Allowing God to Grant Peace

When I answered the call to attend seminary I never could have imagined the joy, the brokenness, or the busyness that would come of the process.  I considered class time and homework, but I didn't think of the unending reading, writing, paperwork, and processes that would require my time.  It didn't occur to me that seminary would be as much about gaining knowledge of my personal character and the character of God as it would be about learning theology and Biblical studies.  It is an emotionally and physically exhausting process, especially when coupled with work and family.

It can be crazy, it really can... Sometimes I'd like a glass of wine (or two) instead of focusing on what I need to do.  But other times, particularly when I think I might be on the brink of losing my mind, amazing things happen.  When I call out to God, He works in awesome ways to stop me in my tracks and help me to see His plan.  Slowing down is not my gift.  I need to be reminded to look for God's hand inside of the chaos. I was blessed to experience the spiritual lifting of seeing His plan today and hope to continue to recall it often.

God will grant peace within us amid all that is hectic and difficult, if we allow it.

The Lord gives strength to his people;
    the Lord blesses his people with peace. - Psalm 29:11

Follow Up to "My Mom..."

Apparently my recent post "My Mom Hates Me" caused quite a stir.  That post had more hits than any post since the prayer for the Connecticut shootings.  I received several inquiries from mothers asking if it was their daughter, so I wanted to follow up with a few disclaimers.  First, I wouldn't have posted the article if it had been someone I counseled directly and for a specific issue.  I would not breach that child's trust.  Secondly, this conversation was casual and, yes, I know that middle school girls have a flare for the dramatic.  My intent in sharing that post was to open our eyes to the needs of our children.  The conversations and comments that were shared by the girls on the subject caused me to reevaluate my parenting and talk to my children directly about their needs and how they perceive me.  I found out some interesting facts through those conversations that will help me to interact with my girls differently.  I also discovered that Wyatt's love language as a boy is completely different and that I annoy him when I treat him like the girls.

It was with a heavy heart that I shared the post, but now I have a renewed spirit as a mom.  I want my kids to know I'm fully present, that I care about them first, and that my love for them is more important than what other people think.  My prayer is that other parents took away the same.

Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it. - Proverbs 22:6

A Message of Hope

I follow Katie Davis' blog from Uganda.  She is an

amazing young woman.  When I feel like I've had 

enough in my world of ministry, family, and work; 

I read her blog.  Her hope and her understanding 

of the Lord inside of all the suffering she sees is 

immensely uplifting.  I thought her words from 

today were definitely worth re-posting.

She reaches for my hand and smiles. I reach for hers and I force a smile back, force 

myself to look truly joyful. I want her to know joy here. I want to know joy here.

At 26 years old Betty is the beautiful mother of a 3 year old little boy. She weighs 69 

pounds and battles AIDS, tuberculosis and all the complications that come with the two. 

We know the drill. She reaches out her hand and it reminds me so much of a hand I 

held once, of a woman I loved hard, of a friend who became a family member.

I fight the tears and I force a smile. After all, she might live. She could live, and right 

now, I know she needs me to believe that she will. How do you keep believing that when 

the last time you were wrong? When the time before that, and the time before that you 

were wrong? I sit down on the side of my couch that is now her bed and I ask her about 

her family. A hot feeling surges up in the back of my throat as I feel my heart start to put 

up a wall. I know better. I should know better.

After all, my job is to believe with out wavering. His job is everything else.

Just then a woman, having an issue of blood for twelve years came up behind Him and 

touched the edge of His cloak. She said to herself, “If only I touch His cloak, I will be 

healed.” Jesus turned and saw her. “Take heart, daughter, “ He said, “Your faith has 

healed you. And the woman was healed from that moment. (Matthew 9:20-22)

I resonate deeply with this woman. I can see her, reaching out for his hem. I can feel the 

strain, that desperate reaching, longing just to touch Him, just even the very edge. A 

longing for only Him.

I am the woman with the issue of blood. Except I am the woman with the issue of doubt. 

I am the woman with the issue of sin, with the issue of flesh, with the issue of 

forgetfulness. I am a woman who wants to snap my arms shut and protect, fold my arms 

tight around this chest to guard my heart that is still so raw and exposed from being 

broken. I want to gather these children to myself and shelter them from the ugly hurt of 

this world.

But I can’t fold my arms and simultaneously reach out for my Savior. I reach for Him 

and I have no choice but to fling my arms wide again. I reach for Betty’s hand and I 

know, just like that woman, I must seek Him. I must know Him. “If only I touch 

His cloak…”

And do you know what? He isn’t out of reach. I stretch out my arm and I realize that 

He is right here, just two steps in front of me, clearing the way. The sweet promises of 

Isaiah flood my mind, “His robe filled the temple.” I reach and I feel that His hem is 

wide, enough for me and for you and today and tomorrow. Enough to fill and enough

 to overflow.

Some time last week in the too-early hours of the morning, I asked God why He 

allowed me to believe so strongly that Katherine would live when she wasn’t actually

going to. I can usually get a pretty good sense for those things. It is hard for me to

think that My Father saw me in my hope, He knew I was believing, and He 

simultaneously knew the ending. I think He answered that He gave me the grace to 

believe that she would live so that in her final days she would feel hope and high 

spirits all around her, so that she would feel that she was fought for and that she was 

worth the fight. She was worth it.

Its His message to us on the cross and it is His message to the woman with the issue 

of blood as He stoops down to look into her eyes, to speak to her, to meet her need: 

“You are worth it.” And I want it to be my message to these hurting that He brings 

into our lives: You, you are worth it. We are for you. He is for you.

I want my life to be found in chasing after Him and I want my arms to be filled, 

not just reaching for, but gathering in the hem of Jesus. His robe fills the temple. 

His glory fills the earth. I want my arms to be filled with gathering His grace, His 

love, His goodness. I want to follow Him wherever He is going and be so full of Him 

that He is overflowing out of my arms, out of my very life. Even when it means 

reaching out my hand with a smile to a situation that might hurt, will hurt.  He 

gave me the grace to hope. And so I am asking that He would give more grace, 

again, even if it is harder to grasp this time. Grace to feel joy and grace to hope for life 

and grace to fight hard, because people are worth the fight. Grace to have arms so 

filled with Him that they have to remain open, and that He spills out.

I look at Betty and my joy is real. We open our arms to her because she is worth it.

And I wanted you to know today, that you are worth it. He fought for you. You reach, 

and He bends, He cups your face in His hands and He says, “Take heart. Be healed. 

I am for you.” I pray we would know deeply His love for us. I pray that we would 

fight for His love in this world because we know. Keep reaching, friend, He’s right here. 

His hem is wide. Let's fill our arms with gathering it.

Thank you for praying for Betty with us. I will post more frequent updates here: https://twitter.com/katieinuganda 

"My Mom Hates Me"

It's 4:00am, and I write with a heavy and discontented heart.  I woke this morning to my middle daughter, Victoria, talking in her sleep.  After a humorous conversation with her about purple fingers and her insistence that she was not dreaming (but that there really were purple fingers everywhere) I got her to lay back down. I laughed quietly at her silliness and rubbed her head as she fell into a quiet sleep. My heart filled with how much I love her.  As I sat with her, considering the blessing of being a mother, my heart filled with a heaviness.

Over the past several weeks I have offered counsel to five different young girls.  As a youth leader in our church I have become a sounding board for many of the girls and some of their friends from school.  I love that these children have someone they feel will listen. The counseling has covered the following areas:

"Am I good enough?"
"I don't understand death."
"I can't handle the hurt of this bullying anymore"
"I'm fat."

And the most disconcerting and difficult to mend without help:
"My Mom Hates Me."

Now, before you read that and think about how sad it is and what a horrible situation this child must experience in her home to believe her mother hates her, hear her story.  This child lives in a stable home with loving parents.  She has most things she needs and wants.  I know for a fact that her mother loves her.  Here are a few notes of what she shared: "My mom does a lot for me, but she hates every minute of it.  I'm the reason she never gets time to herself.  I'm the reason she has no money for herself.  I'm the reason that she's tired... When I talk to her, she doesn't really hear what I have to say.  She's usually on her phone or computer.  She cares more about what I wear and if everything I do is right than she does about me.  She is always irritated with me, and I'll never be what she wants."

Here's another sad thing, the girl said some of these things in front of other girls, and three out of the four girls felt the same way. :(  That is heartbreaking to me.  Parents, I felt the need to share the message from this sweet girl. We all know that parenting is difficult (that life is difficult), but it is a gift.  Our time with our children is fleeting.  It is so easy to be distracted by life and responsibility, but if we are spending time in busyness and begrudging the things that have to be done we are letting our time with our children slip away.  We only have a short time to encourage our children, to share with them, to let them know they are loved and important.

What messages are we sending to our children?  Are the frustrations we place on them real or is the frustration with our own inadequacies? Is there a need to be so busy that we miss what our children have to say to us?  Are we simply caught up in our own distractions?  What could we change in our lives and routines to be less stressed and more focused on our families?

There was a time that I was caught up in my job and was not fully present for my children. I am truly grateful that my attention was grabbed and my life changed.  Our family is busy now between activities, work and school, but we make time to be intentionally fully present. I get grief from others for not answering my phone or responding immediately to texts, but I've made a pact with my family to follow a routine and be present for them.  In a world where everyone is a "push of a button" away it's easy to interrupt our interactions by answering someone else or checking our phones. My kids consistently tell me that they're glad I listen to them and they feel pity for their friends who feel like they can't talk to their parents. Being present sends the message that your kids are important.

There are times that I get irritated with my kids, but lately I've noticed that it's usually based more on my lack of preparation than it is on my kids. I'm making a promise to ask myself what the real situation is before I take it out on them.  I don't want my misguided frustration to make my kids feel unimportant or worse, "hated".  Our children deal with many things without the relationship with their parents being one of them.

I Need You Now

Happy Birthday to my beautiful Sam!! I can't believe it's possible that you're 15!!!

Competition

Avoid Worldly Competition

by Joyce Meyer - posted April 19, 2013

Let us not become vainglorious and self-conceited, competitive and challenging and provoking and irritating to one another, envying and being jealous of one another. —Galatians 5:26

According to the world's system, the best place to be is ahead of everyone else. Popular thinking would say that we should try to get to the top no matter who we have to hurt on the way up. But the Bible teaches us that there is no such thing as real peace until we are delivered from the need to compete with others.

Even in what is supposed to be considered "fun games," we often see competition get so out of balance that people end up arguing and hating one another rather than simply relaxing and having a good time together. Naturally, human beings don't play games to lose; everyone is going to do his best. But when a person cannot enjoy a game unless he is winning, he definitely has a problem—possibly a deep-rooted one that is causing other problems in many areas of his life.

We should definitely do our best on the job; there is nothing wrong with wanting to do well and advance in our chosen professions. But I encourage you to remember that promotion for the believer comes from God and not from man. You and I don't need to play worldly games to get ahead. God will give us favor with Him and with others if we will do things His way (See Proverbs 3:3,4).

What God does for you or for me may not be what He does for someone else, but we must remember what Jesus said to Peter, "Don't be concerned about what I choose to do with someone else—you follow Me" (see John 21:22).

"Mommy, Why Would Someone Bomb the Boston Marathon?"

My kids are sad.  They want to know "Why?" Don't we all? My honest answer to them is "I just don't know."  I can't make sense of this tragedy right now.  I think it's important to avoid making up an answer. I think it's also vital to remember that our children feel our distress even if they haven't heard the details of the incident.  It's good to talk about it. They will likely hear about the bombing at school or through social media whether it's been discussed or not.  I know my children may be more affected than some after losing family in the Indianapolis explosions, but I think children in general will be frightened with this happening so soon after the media coverage on the school shootings in Connecticut. Please encourage your children to talk to you.

It's clear that children have different perspectives at varied ages.  My son, Wyatt was extremely upset. He expressed sadness after hearing on the radio that a boy who was killed was 8 like him. My daughter, Victoria (12), expressed fear that the person or people who did it are still free, and my daughter, Samantha (15 this week) said that it's hard to understand how someone can choose an event where people find such joy in completing a goal.  Fear is evident in all of their responses. This doesn't make sense to them at any age.

Reassure your children. Let them know that you understand their feelings. Help them to understand that we don't always know why bad things happen but that the world is still a good place.  Encourage faith in God and humanity. Talk to them, pray with them, and remember that it's okay that we don't have answers to all of their questions.  Sometimes having the love and security of those they trust is enough.

No matter what the headlines read, there is still so much good in this world and it outweighs the bad. I've raised my children to look at the reaction, not just the action. Sadly, there will always be evil, but the good of humanity shined today when people ran towards the explosion instead of away, when runners ran to hospitals to give blood, and when we all opened our hearts and offered prayers and help. My closing line for my children today will be, "There were more good people than bad people in Boston today". - Shared from Facebook (Marie Hobson)

Peace on the Day

What an incredible morning... My daughter, Victoria, and I walked a mile this morning instead of doing our Monday run as we were both feeling under the weather.  I'm grateful that we did.  It was a perfect, slow down, feel the spring air, and listen to the music of nature kind of walk.  There is a peace that envelopes nature during the early hours of the morning before the sun rises that simply doesn't happen for the rest of the day.  A closeness to God and each other can be found.  There was a feeling of God's gift of peace.  I pray that all of you feel that peace on your day and the blessing of moments of restoration in God's creation.

Nature is God's greatest evangelism. - Jonathon Edwards

You will go out in joy
    and be led forth in peace;
the mountains and hills
    will burst into song before you,
and all the trees of the field
    will clap their hands.
 Instead of the thornbush will grow the juniper,
    and instead of briers the myrtle will grow.
This will be for the Lord’s renown,
    for an everlasting sign,
    that will endure forever. - Isaiah 55:12-13

Rejoice Anyway...

Breaking Walls

 

God is breaking down walls in my life. This isn't a surprise.  I actually had a vision of Him doing it, but I would have preferred that He didn't go through with it. I was comfortable behind my proverbial wall.  After kicking through my wall He has led me to address a few uncomfortable issues. It hasn't been fun. I have been inundated with emotion.  We are all wounded and some of us deal with it more quietly than others.  It's not that I'm actually quiet.  Those of you who know me well know that I will readily share most anything, but I'm good at sharing then brushing off without ever actually reaching the heart of the issue. I'm never happy when God opens wounds I forgot existed. I thought I could attend seminary and expound upon gifts that I have in ministry, learn some new tools, and with all of the passion inside of me run out seeking justice with a band of disciples.  But, no.  In seminary God wants you to recognize all of the brokenness inside of yourself before He turns you out to the world in His name.  It's a beautiful thing to uncover your brokenness and create a reality in which it can be used to help others, but it can be exhausting too. I find it difficult to go from seminary to my children to ministry to work since the emotions and boundaries are so different in each place.  It becomes a choice to focus on a specific set of goals for each place in my life and then to remember which emotions fall in line with those goals.  

As a person who rarely allows people close enough to hurt my feelings, it's surprising that my feelings have been tremendously hurt by various groups three times over the past two weeks.  Those small hurts (that will pass as quickly as they came) have led me to a greater conclusion.  God is moving me out of groups where I was comfortable and into specific ministry.  He is helping me to see that my home church is not my church anymore.  He already has a plan for where I will be placed.  This is a difficult thing for me to face.  I adore the ministries and people in my home church.

I find myself nearly laughing at the fact that I contemplate all that God is doing in my life and how it difficult it can be.  I shake my head at myself when I allow my heart to be hurt by others and wallow in the loneliness of ministry without a partner to share it.  I should be feeling honored and blessed to be experiencing emotions like Jesus Christ himself.  After all, who suffered more persecution and rejection than Him?  How alone might Jesus have felt walking among those who didn't fully understand Him? Despite the fact that I am emotionally fatigued, I look forward to unraveling all that God has planned.  I look forward to facing a renewal of the soul. I am thankful for the gift of drawing closer to Him. I pray for God to help me get through this cleansing and use me for His great purpose.

I pray that we all experience a closeness to God that opens our souls and causes us to consider our lives and what He might have planned for us.

5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, ² and he began to teach them.

The Beatitudes

He said:

³ “Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
⁴ Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
⁵ Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
⁶ Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
⁷ Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
⁸ Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
⁹ Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
¹⁰ Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

“Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me. ¹² Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you. - Matthew 5:1-12

Seek Justice

Learn to do right; seek justice. Defend the oppressed. Take up the cause of the fatherless; plead the case of the widow.
- Isaiah 1:17

Siblings Day!

I thank God for my amazing sisters!!  

10 Things I've Discovered about Myself in My Faith

1.  I have a powerful faith that God can work in everybody else's lives. I forget to trust God for mine.

2.  When I lose consistency in my scripture reading, I falter in my thoughts.  I'm great at presuming, creating situations, and whining in my head for things to be different.  Scripture keeps me accountable.

3.  I need prayer; prayer for myself, for situations, from myself for others, and by others.  I believe in the power of prayer.

4.  Nothing changes my faith in God, but I get angry when my faith is challenged.  That isn't always a bad thing.

5.  I am so grateful to be so blessed, but my faith doesn't always reflect that.

6.  I don't share my faith enough in one on one situations.  I conform easily to conversation where faith could lead better than "venting" about life.

7.  I love the Lord in all of His capacities, as God, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit.  I love Him, not as an idea, but as a perfect and present entity in my life.

8.  I know nothing of Holy.  What I had made God in my life and who He is are two very different things.  I feel that now.

9.  I have faith that I am forgiven, but have conviction that living that forgiveness is an absolute requirement of following Jesus.

10.  God keeps His promises.  I need to learn to keep mine.

30 Things I've Learned About Myself and How I View Ministry

1.  I want to live my beliefs and be committed to a life of transparency.  I want to be real.  I never want another person to look at me and see phoniness or hypocrisy in ministry.

2.  I have a passion for global missions.  I want to reach where people's needs aren't met and minister where the gospel isn't freely available.

3.  I see that God will do whatever it takes to reach me.

4.   I will not focus on the number of people or dollars I bring into a church.  Ever.

5.  It goes straight to my heart when my girls tell me my message impacted them. I appreciate the fact that my kids will critique my messages, and that they are absorbing the work of Christ along with me.

6.  Nothing is more fulfilling than being with someone who feels unloved or forgotten and seeing them realize that they are loved.

7.  I want to see the children in the church integrated in with the other generations.

8.  I am incredibly flawed, yet God loves me unimaginably.

9.  I wish that the walls of the church would come down and people would understand that we are the church.  I pray deeply that God will empower me to lead others into discipleship out of the church, not just belief in the church.

10.  I believe that scripture is still as applicable today as it was when the Holy Spirit brought it into authorship.

11.  It bothers me when people are more focused on the order and flaws in a church service than the message and presence of God.

12.  My personality tests and spiritual gifts inventories showed the following results: Lion / Otter, Bull / Tiger, Type A & B, Diligent Leader / Spiritual Discernment & Apostleship, and Extroversion / Intuition; which translates that I'm a leader that likes to shake things up from the heart. I wonder how that will work in ministry.

13.   I have an innate desire to create the understanding that the Holy Spirit is real and present in our lives.

14.  Sometimes I have to walk away.  I can't fix everything, and God doesn't fix everything in my time.

15.  I know that there is extreme power in prayer.

16.  I want others to want Jesus by what they see inside of me.

17.  I despise seeing scripture used as a tool for judgment and hatred.

18.  It is immensely heart wrenching to me knowing someone I love does not believe.

19.  I love working in ministry with middle school and high school.  I never thought I would! :) I pray for the ability to help teens see the significance of their faith and God's word in their everyday lives.

20.  It fills my heart to see others find joy in following Christ.

21.  I find it difficult to handle Christians who show misguided judgment.

22.  I can't wait to be a part of prison ministry.

23.  My love for God comes straight through my soul when I sing praise music.

24.  I let swear words slip more than I thought.

25.  Although I get sad, I find contentment in being with people in times of illness or difficulty who need comfort, healing, and prayer.

26.  I want to see the gospel preached from the heart to those with disabilities, even those who appear to have no understanding.

27.  God is teaching me to live less materially so that I can give to others more fully.

28.  God comes closest to me when I cry out to Him with all of my heart.

29.  I feel the things of this world falling farther and farther away from me.

30.  In order for us to understand God's character and the application of His word we must be willing to read the Bible as a whole.  It is imperative that we, as believers, use the Bible as the foundation for our lives.

And God definitely isn't finished with me yet... In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy  because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus. - Philippians 1:4-6

Slow Down to Be Filled

Vicki Troutman, a student pastor, gave the sermon at our church today.  It was a beautiful and enlightening message about how we make ourselves too busy to recognize Jesus in our lives. She shared the story of Mary and Martha (Luke 10:38-42). Vicki pointed out that perhaps Martha made herself busy to avoid facing Jesus.  She asked if we make ourselves busy in order to cover our inadequacies, and suggested that maybe we're afraid to slow down and open our hearts to Christ for fear of what He'll see.  It was apparent that this message went right into the hearts of many people.  Our world as a whole has become so fast paced, and we move right along with it.  Vicki then shared the story of the woman at the well (John 4: 1-26). The woman at the well slowed down to hear Jesus.  She was amazed that He would choose to speak to her.  She discovered that the Lord had no condemnation for her despite her history and was filled with the message He spoke.  I wonder if I would run straight past the well to get the next thing done without seeing Jesus. I want to know more of what Jesus wants to say to me. I delight in the thought of slowing down to be a more deliberate disciple.  I long to meet Jesus wherever He calls me and not miss the moments through my personal desire to get other things done.  I pray this message will lead many to slow down to consider what Jesus is offering and where He may want to work in their lives.

Prayers Please!

I'm asking for prayers for our men's team that is going into the Marion Correctional Institute this weekend to share the gospel with the inmates there.  The inmates, their families, employees of the institution and the men attending are all greatly impacted by this incredible ministry.    

Please pray for our friends Jim Troutman and Glenn Needham, for Hank Wessel for his help with the ministry, for all who made the cookies that will be presented throughout the weekend, for the message of the love of Christ and for His gospel truth to change the lives of the inmates.

For more information about Kairos, visit the website at http://www.kairosohio.org/.

I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me. - Matthew 25:36

Yes...

War on Equality

Every time I get on Facebook I see the battles raging over homosexual marriage (among other religious and political debates).  I feel the hatred bouncing between people.  I witness Christians with their pointing fingers and poisonous tongues.  I hear about children saying that they'll never go to church, because the church is hateful.  I see quotes and memes posted as people's passive aggressive opportunity to have their say in the arguments.  

What we don't realize is that individual people are being hurt in these battles.  I realize that the present fight is for marriage equality and that Christians see this as another way to allow Satan access to this country, but at what cost are we fighting this battle?  It seems to me that the only thing we are doing is pushing millions of people further away from God.  If our goal is for God to remain present in this country, it should be to witness to people about Him and let them see God in our actions. Do you think anyone wants to come to God when they believe He hates them? What are we accomplishing?

When Jesus came, he reprimanded and pushed aside the righteous Pharisees and Scribes who were so worried about the laws that they forgot to love.  He wasn't in the city picketing against sin.  He had no time for self-righteousness as He was out saving the poor, downtrodden, sick, and sinning people.  Jesus' greatest command to us was to first love the Lord our God and then one another (Matthew 22:36-40). And, yes, Jesus spoke of our sin, but also told us to remove the planks from our own eyes before removing the speck from our brothers (Matthew 7:3).  The way we are treating others to make sure Christianity reigns in this country is a sin in itself.

God gave us all free will.  We have the right to choose Him or not to choose Him.  It is our choice to obey His word or accept consequences.  It is not our role to make sure others obey until they make the choice to come to Christ. I am not saying that anyone should go against what they believe is right based on the belief that the Bible is the authoritative word of God.  What I am asking is that we act in love with all people.  I encourage my kids to refer to their friends as friends, not as their gay friend, straight friend, black friend, white friend, or any other labeled friend.  As Christians, I think we take a step back from these wars. Scripture was never meant to be spouted in hatred. We need to treat others in love so that they may see Christ in us.

³² “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you?Even sinners love those who love them. ³³ And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. ³⁴ And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full. ³⁵ But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. ³⁶ Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful. ³⁷ “Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven. ³⁸ Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” - Luke 6: 32-38

Alive

Can I tell you the most amazing thing about seminary?

 It is helping me to uncover who I am in Christ.

That's a broad statement, right?  Maybe even a weak statement if that theology doesn't make sense to you.  But it's crazy amazing to me...

I have spent most of my life having a deep faith that wasn't quite based on the interactions I had from church.  My faith came from a third grade encounter with the Holy Spirit in the shape of Christ himself.  Sounds a little crazy I know, but it's a piece of my story.  I have always just known there is a God and who He is.  I have also always known that he was staying very close to me, even in my darkest hours.  But I could never intelligently articulate all of these feelings and why I believed exactly what I believe.  Being in seminary is like watching all of the mysteries of my life unravel before my eyes.  It's like seeing what God has done and why. It's finally understanding His character (not fully of course, anyone who thinks they can completely fathom God has a lot to learn).  It's understanding many of my inexplicable senses in my relationship with God.

I am beginning to understand my own theology and how I believe this incomprehensibly amazing task of being a leader in the church should be handled.  When I read something that matches this theology or when something strikes me as exactly what God wants His people to be or to know, it knocks me off my feet with excitement and emotion.

The relationship God wants with us is very real.  It's alive, personal, and interactive. When you feel the awesome power of God really moving in your life, it's an empowerment beyond measure.  In the moments I open up to allow God to be as close as He wants, I feel like I could do anything. I long to separate myself from all of the junk to be able to be in that place all of the time.  It's easy to allow humanity to get in the way.

I'm wondering if God is alive in your life?  Are you allowing Him to get close enough?  Can He move in your life to help you figure out who you are? Do you really believe God can be active in your life, or does the Sunday morning message just help you get though the week?

Who are you in Christ?  If you figure that out, you'll be exactly who you are meant to be.

But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. - Ephesians 2:4-7